Ego, for me, is our innate desire to be superior than others. We always strive to be better. We compete so that we will win. We make every effort to be the best. But if we fail to achieve superiority among others, we become disappointed and frustrated. We then look down on ourselves as inferior, and then we begin to suffer.
We work hard not because of the enjoyment of it but we want to earn more so that we become rich, rather than being poor. We study hard not because we yearn knowledge, but we want to be on the top. We choose being a doctor not because we want to offer our sincere services to heal but because we believe that they are at an elevated status in the society compared to being a lowly carpenter. These are all labels that we put on ourselves.
When our ‘singular consciousness’ manifests into this material plane, through birth, we are now subjected to ego. Yet, ego only starts to grow once we begin to distinguish what is different. From the moment you realized a male between a female, a dog versus a cat, a flower against a fruit, a Black from a Caucasian, then we begin to define the things around us which results to labels such as better [vs. worse], good [vs. evil], negative [vs. positive], superior [vs. inferior]. This is when the illusion of duality comes in. We start to live in the false existence of duality and we want to linger on that thought of always being better, always being superior.
Attachments as a Consequence of Ego
If you will be given a car for free, which will you choose, a Bugatti Veyron or a Toyota Echo? Most people will decide on a Bugatti because it is better and expensive. People will look up to you because of what you have. You feel proud because you are one of the few who have this luxury. You feel superior than others and you like that feeling thus, you become attached to the car. Once you lose it, you feel that your superiority is lost.
You dream of living in a palace, because you want to feel like you are the cream of the crop, compared to those who live in small shanties. You use your credit cards to purchase an expensive cell phone, or buy an extravagant dress because you want to standout from the rest, and in the end, you die paying off your debts.
And in relationships, when someone breaks up with us, we feel that we are taken for granted. We feel that we are replaced by someone better. And that is one of the reasons why we are so attached because we cannot accept the fact that there is someone far better than us. We cannot accept that our 'partner' has trampled on our ‘dignity’, resulting to our feeling of being inferior. Yet, when we conquer our ego and let go of our attachments, only then we are able to love unconditionally and not expect something in return.
Fear as a Consequence of Ego
Why do you think you are afraid? Fear springs forth because you are afraid to lose. You are afraid of being inferior.
Suffering as a Consequence of Ego
And because you are so attached and you are so afraid, your ego starts to torture you. And since you want to become better than others, your ego drives you to do whatever it takes even if it hurts you. And when you are not able to achieve your goal, you feel frustrated, and your ego pulls you down and even to the point of tearing you apart. You have exerted so much effort yet you failed, you did not win, thus you feel like a mediocre.
Overcoming Ego
In order for us to conquer our ego, we should stop defining ourselves and the things that surround us. We should stop believing in the illusion of duality: the idea of good and evil, better and worse, and the like. We have to look at things as it is. When you see a blind man, you accept him as he is and not label him as inferior than those who can see. When you see a flower, you appreciate its beauty but we should avoid comparing it with other flowers, because once we start to compare, we start to differentiate, we begin to identify which is better or not. Even humility itself, it is still ego at work because once we acknowledge that we are humble, we still define ourselves from that of being arrogant. By eliminating the idea of duality, we can start to conquer our ego.
You may ask, if we are not to believe between good and evil [an example of duality], how will then I be guided in the things that I should do? Remember that the concept of good and evil is based on the results of our actions. Society labels good or evil because it believes, and through experience, that the outcome of a certain action is beneficial [good] or detrimental [evil] to the society or individual. Hence, you don’t have to be guided on what is defined as good or evil, but you just need to be aware of the consequences of your actions.
Wayne Dyer, an author, has outlined some steps in overcoming ego’s hold on us. These are:
1. Stop being offended
2. Let go of your need to win
3. Let go of your need to be right
4. Let go of your need to be superior
5. Let go of your need to have more
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements
7. Let go of your reputation
I know everything here is easier said but difficult to achieve. Yet, I choose to take this path hoping that in this journey I will be able to conquer my ego. And the first step that I need to do is to learn to let go of all my attachments.
A lot of people have been complaining why they are not getting what they want. And sometimes, it is funny to hear them blaming ‘GOD’ for not being able to have their desires in life. Statements like ‘It is God’s will that’s why I am not able to get this job.’, ‘God doesn’t want me to have a baby boy.’, ‘I will be able to pass my driving test if God permits,’ are very common. Well, all I can say is, everything that happens to your life is never God’s will but your own choosing. You are in control of your life.
My life has been a guinea pig for me. I have been trying to figure out the root cause of failure and the obstacle of success. And with my search and experiment, I have narrowed down the recipe of getting what you want when you want it. The steps are:
1) Know and desire what you want
2) ‘Order’ it from the Universe with a date of delivery in mind
3) Float – Do not swim
4) Be grateful when you have received it.
The above steps will be elaborated later on but before we do that, we must understand the underlying principles behind these steps, which are:
1) Understand how the Universe works [including the Law of Attraction]
2) Know that the Universe will conspire in helping you achieve it
3) Learn to ‘Float’
In my search I have come across several ‘teachers’ who have influenced me. And for this purpose, I will briefly outline the principles and concepts I have learned from them. Hopefully, this will aid you in getting what you want.
a) Law of Attraction
Rhonda Byrne has greatly influenced the world by exposing ‘The Secret’ to the public. It is a film and a book about achieving your goals and getting what you want by understanding the Law of Attraction. The film / book is influenced by Wallace D. Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich which has also inspired other works such as Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. Hence, energy that is liken to itself is drawn. Since our thoughts are energies, as we project happy thoughts, it will attract happy events. And if you project negative energy, then it will invite similar frequencies. You might have noticed that a genuine smile even to a stranger is very infectious. A happy individual is surrounded by like-minded people. Whereas, a moody personality attracts disappointing and frustrating events in life.
Although, our thoughts are already powerful enough to generate the attraction, you have to accompany it with positive feelings. The desire itself will reinforce the attraction. However, the feelings of fear, doubt and impatience will repel the attraction.
b) The Universe Conspires in Helping You Achieve it
Paolo Coelho through his book, The Alchemist, vividly explains this. Our human understanding cannot easily grasp how the Universe works since it is very complex yet precise in every way. Good thing it is always on our side. Whatever you want to achieve, the Universe ‘processes your order’ and will deliver it to you at your specified time. The Universe works in a ‘system’ wherein it incorporates ALL that is seen and unseen so that either you will be led towards your goal or your ‘gift’ will be handed to you as you wished.
“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
c) Do not Swim – Float.
An Indian mystic and spiritual teacher, "Rajneesh" Chandra Mohan Jain, also known as Osho, was asked to give his own Ten Commandments regarding his teachings, although he is against to any kind of commandment, he decided to outline them ‘just for fun’. One of Osho’s Ten Commandments is “Do Not Swim – Float”.
This commandment simply means that you do not have to exert an effort just to get what you have asked for since the Universe will just do everything for you. If you swim towards your goal, you will just be disappointed since time will come that you will be exhausted and you will not be able to reach it. But once you ‘float’, the ‘river of life’ will naturally lead you towards your desire.
In order for us to fully understand the above three concepts mentioned, we will cite a simple scenario: Getting a taxi cab. The situation uses two approaches: a) Normal Approach – what people normally do; b) The Floating – applying the techniques outlined here. The Analysis part explains what has been happening.
Situation: Getting a Cab.
You have a dinner appointment at 9pm and it is a Friday night, everybody is going out thus vacant cabs are very scarce. It is already 8pm.
Normal approach: You wait by the road waving for cabs that pass by. It is already 15 minutes and still you found no available cab. You move from one place to the other thinking that you have higher chances of getting a cab. However, your effort is futile. It is already 850PM yet still no cabs available. You start to scratch your head. Emotion sets in. You begin to feel fear and worry. You start to grumble and even curse. It’s past 9PM and you are still desperately waving for cab. 930PM. You cancelled your appointment.
Floating: You recall an event wherein you requested the Universe for something and it has been provided to you. You were very happy that time and you are holding that thought and feeling. Then, you tell the Universe, “Hey. I want to arrive at the restaurant before 9pm by a cab. Please send one. Thanks”. You start waving cabs but none is available yet. It is 30 minutes past 8 and you begin to worry. You know that it will take 15 minutes for you to get to the restaurant. It seems that that the opposite side of the road has greater chances of getting a cab. However, you reassured yourself, that the Universe is already sending you a cab. So you stay put. Still waving for cabs. 840PM. A cab drops a passenger right in front of you. You get in and you arrived at the restaurant 855PM. You smiled and then said, “thank you!”
Analysis: If you are going to study the normal approach, there is too much effort exerted into getting a cab and you can even notice the emotions involved. However, if you will just ‘float’ and trust that the Universe will provide, then you will get what you want. Surely you have experienced a similar situation wherein you waited for a cab and you moved from one place to the other, then after you have moved, a vacant cab passed by at the place where you were originally waiting. “Geez! I should have not walked away!” is a common reaction. Here is what is happening.
A recollection of a granted request will reinforce your belief [or faith if you want to call it that way] that the Universe will surely provide. Having a positive thought and feeling attracts similar frequencies [applying Law of Attraction]. When you ‘ordered’ for a cab, the Universe immediately processes your request. It uses all it’s power to ‘influence’ and ‘direct’ all situations towards the achievement of that goal [the Universe conspires in helping you achieve it]. But remember, the Universe will never interfere with anyone’s free will. It might just provide situations that will ‘influence’ an individual’s decision but will never control his/her free will. The Universe knows where to send the cab but once you decide to ‘swim’ which is by transferring from one place to the other, the process of receiving your order is delayed. Hence, impatience contributes the delay of your request. Impatience is also a product of fear and worry. When you begin to feel these emotions, you tend to do things which are not required. You start to exert more effort which will only delay the delivery of your order, or worst, derail the package. Hence you have to know that all the things that are seen and unseen will conspire in helping you achieve it. Once you have received what you have asked for, be sure to remember the moment by simply saying “thank you”. You will use this moment for your next requests. :)
Alternative Floating Scenario: You closed your eyes and recalled a previously granted request. Then, you asked the Universe to send you a cab as soon as possible so that you can arrive at your appointment on time. You waited at exactly the same place. You felt confident that the Universe is sending you a cab. It is almost 9PM and you begin to worry because you won’t have enough time to reach your destination. It is 905PM yet you are still standing at the same place. Suddenly, your phone rings. Your friend called and said “Hey! I am still at my place and I am still waiting for a cab. Can we move the appointment to another location?”. It was a relief for you. Both of you decided a new location to meet up. Then a vacant cab passes by and picks you up.
Alternative Analysis: The Universe has its ways of doing things. We might not understand how it works but surely, everything is happening for a reason. And that reason is the goal / objective that you have been wanting. Since your goal is to meet up with someone, getting a cab earlier than 9PM will just waste your money and time since your friend is still not there and you might end up going to another location instead, consequently shelling out extra cash or waiting for an extra hour. However, if you have decided to ‘swim’ by forcing oneself to go to the place which requires a lot of effort for you, then, you will just be disappointed when your friend will call you changing for a new location. Thus, the act of ‘floating’ allows a smooth passage towards your goal. Rest assured that the Universe will find its ways to the most convenient and fastest route in the direction of your destination.
The ‘Getting a Cab’ situation is a true-to-life example that illustrates how you will be able to get what you want by ‘properly’ asking for it. So, in order for you to achieve / obtain anything, you just have to follow these simple steps:
1) Know your ultimate goal
2) ‘Order’ it from the Universe with the delivery time frame in mind
3) Let the Universe do its work by floating and not swimming.
4) Thank the Universe once you have received your request.
The steps outlined are applicable to ALL types of requests. Be it about love, family, job, and finances. You might not be able to master these steps, but practice makes perfect. The most important thing here is that you should only float because the Universe will just do the rest for you. Let the river of life lead you to your desires. Thus, if you need something now, try applying these techniques, and hopefully you’ll get ALL the things that you have been longing for. Enjoy! And choose to be happy! :)
It was the year 2006 when everything was like hell. All aspects of my life were on the brink of destruction. I was financially drained, physically stressed, emotionally unstable, and intellectually harassed. The only part that keeps me from losing my sanity was my spiritual bond with the One that resides in me as I reside in its Totality.
I was engulfed by my own cowardice as I entertain the thought of doing my own seppuku [hara-kiri]. It was the time when I again shed tears since grade school. I wasn’t actually just weeping, I was howling as I lament with grief and despair. I remembered, every time when I arrived home, the jolly façade that I wore for the outside world morphed into a face of agony and anguish. With her motherly instincts, my mom has noticed the torture that I have been facing from within. She has confronted me several times hoping that I will open up to her. “What purpose is being a mother if my son does not allow me to relieve the pain that ails a suffering heart”, as she often reiterates. I honestly find it touching and heart warming but it did not work on me. I kept it for myself for I don’t want anyone to be bothered by my own faults and weaknesses.
As I lay down to rest, I recalled pulling my pillow right on my face to muffle my voice as I scream to death. The walls in my room bear witness to my torment for they were not spared from my knuckles. As I turned off the lights, I sulk and wail. And this has become a daily routine for a month or two until I decided to move on and let my heart heal.
And so I thought it was the end.
The cycle begins anew, as ouroboros again bits its tail in the year that is today. Alone in a foreign land with nobody else to turn to, the creek became my friend as it lures me to jump in and be swallowed by its depth. Tempting as it may seem, The Fates still holds me dear for it has brought me a soul from the land where the sun never sets. An enlightened being sent with a purpose: to liberate those who are trapped within.
Like a toddler, the soul held my hand, guiding me towards my chosen path, always there to lift me up in each failing moment. As it nurtures my spirit, I am reborn: a phoenix resurrecting from its ashes. With this new life bestowed, the excitement of re-discovering myself fulfills my destiny, a destiny that is not set by time nor decided by a separate consciousness but it is a destiny that is of my own choosing.
This resurrection has opened a new door that paves towards my victory. No more fears; no more hesitations; only pure bliss.
I am the one who is.
Detest not your experience of the past for it has made you who you are right now. It has brought you strength, joy, and faith. No matter how painful the experience you have at the moment, you will later thank this day for allowing you to learn and helping you survive.
Be not afraid to let go of your emotions. Keeping it would not do you any good. If you are in love, show it. When you are angry, express it not in devastation but through creativity. You are a creative being, make use of it. Be imaginative as possible.
Never assume. It will only provide you false expectations which lead to conflict with others. Always communicate your feelings. Be transparent.
Don't let others judge you. Doing so is allowing people to have control over you. You pretend because you want to please them even though deep inside it injures your soul. Act what your heart desires; speak what your mind tells you. You are in control of your fate. You are in control of your life, not them. Whatever happens to your life it is all because of you and the choices you make. It is not because of what others tell you to do or what others want to see in you.
In whatever you do be guided by the Law of the Universe. Give, so shall you receive. Love, and you will be loved. But when there is injury, show pardon; if there is despair, give hope. For as you sow, so shall you reap.
3 LOVE ENDERS: NEEDINESS, EXPECTATIONS, and JEALOUSY
It flatters me when i seek guidance from some of my friends, and their usual reply would be "you don't need it ". Hahaha. I wish I am superman. Truthfully, I compare myself with the sun. Being able to at least shed light to others but deep inside I'm burning like hell. More often, I do need some counsel and guidance from others. And just recently, I learned about the 3 love enders. A friend never expounded on them though. It was just a passing topic but i definitely would agree with her.
Haven't you noticed that when lovers quarrel or even break up, one of the three is always present? And there are even worst cases when all three enders are the causes.
Ender: Neediness
If you need / want more than what your partner can provide, you end up dissatisfied. And if you are not contented, you tend to look for other options that will fill the void. Usually they are in a form of object or another person. The problem with this is that, once you've found this object/person that satisfies your longing, you are stuck with it/him/her. It becomes addictive. It becomes your priority rather than your partner.
Cure: Contentment
Ender: Expectations
You want to give all but you expect your partner to do the same. You demand your partner to reciprocate. You want to receive the same treatment that you have provided. But if your partner fails to show it, you get furious.
Cure: Unconditional Love
Ender: Jealousy
When you know that your partner is with somebody or even with a group of friends, your mind plays games with you. It tortures you and you cant bear the pain.
Cure: Trust
Be wary of these love enders. They will surely ruin your relationship.
Let them be…
proven true the maxim has: not beyond reach your riches are, gone the friends you thought you have.
curse them not, selfish as they seem, nature has bestowed it ever since.
childish they are still, grow they shall will.
tribulations faceth them, maturity cometh hence.
fortunate you have been, early you have awaken.
wisdom you have now, share it from within.
Remember that Jesus is not a Christian, Gautama is not a Buddhist, and Mohammad is not a Moslem. These ‘individuals’ were able to find their own path towards 'enlightenment' realizing 'who they really are', and were able to become ‘one’ with the 'Universal Consciousness'. Yet, in their effort to share their paths to others hoping that 'we' too will be able to 're-member', they were misunderstood most probably intentionally by those 'followers' who want to capitalize on their 'master’s’ belief.
As their 'master' fades away to 'nirvana', the capitalists begin to write its doctrines and impose its dogmas preaching to its followers the 'words of god'. And when greed and power overwhelms the ego, they begin to alter the route leading towards their selfish goals, luring the ignorant soul with an empty promise of everlasting bliss. Like an angler fish, its prey hypnotized by a tempting feast, and as it bites the bait, the prey is devoured into oblivion.
The pure essence of the path, the noble purpose of the 'true masters', are now lost, drowned in the turbulent sea of never ending politics of faith: religion.
As the capitalist asserts his truth, he wages war in the name of god. And as he denounces others' 'faith', the earth soaks in blood and the fertile soil withers, as it bears the fruit of hatred and greed.
The religion that we now know of is a society of organized belief where the capitalists impose its 'own twisted truth', gaining control of those whom he thinks of himself as 'unworthy' and 'imperfect'. 'Undeserving men' hoping to regain his self-worth in the 'after life', that is if indeed it exists.
Amidst the myriad of 'self-proclaimed truths', TRUE RELIGION still exists. It is pure and never imposing. It is personal since it comes from within and not from 'with-out'. It leads you to self-discovery.
Your own path is your TRUE RELIGION. My path may not be yours, yet we are heading towards the same 'sun', hoping that my 'flame' and yours will soon 're-member' and will again be ONE with the 'universe'. And as each 'flame' rejoins the 'sun' we become whole again, and thus we proclaim ‘I AM THE LIGHT of the WORLD'.
