Overcoming Ego

Ego, for me, is our innate desire to be superior than others. We always strive to be better. We compete so that we will win. We make every effort to be the best. But if we fail to achieve superiority among others, we become disappointed and frustrated. We then look down on ourselves as inferior, and then we begin to suffer. 

We work hard not because of the enjoyment of it but we want to earn more so that we become rich, rather than being poor. We study hard not because we yearn knowledge, but we want to be on the top. We choose being a doctor not because we want to offer our sincere services to heal but because we believe that they are at an elevated status in the society compared to being a lowly carpenter. These are all labels that we put on ourselves.

When our ‘singular consciousness’ manifests into this material plane, through birth, we are now subjected to ego. Yet, ego only starts to grow once we begin to distinguish what is different. From the moment you realized a male between a female, a dog versus a cat, a flower against a fruit, a Black from a Caucasian, then we begin to define the things around us which results to labels such as better [vs. worse], good [vs. evil], negative [vs. positive], superior [vs. inferior]. This is when the illusion of duality comes in. We start to live in the false existence of duality and we want to linger on that thought of always being better, always being superior. 

Attachments as a Consequence of Ego
If you will be given a car for free, which will you choose, a Bugatti Veyron or a Toyota Echo? Most people will decide on a Bugatti because it is better and expensive. People will look up to you because of what you have. You feel proud because you are one of the few who have this luxury. You feel superior than others and you like that feeling thus, you become attached to the car. Once you lose it, you feel that your superiority is lost. 

You dream of living in a palace, because you want to feel like you are the cream of the crop, compared to those who live in small shanties. You use your credit cards to purchase an expensive cell phone, or buy an extravagant dress because you want to standout from the rest, and in the end, you die paying off your debts. 

And in relationships, when someone breaks up with us, we feel that we are taken for granted. We feel that we are replaced by someone better. And that is one of the reasons why we are so attached because we cannot accept the fact that there is someone far better than us. We cannot accept that our 'partner' has trampled on our ‘dignity’, resulting to our feeling of being inferior. Yet, when we conquer our ego and let go of our attachments, only then we are able to love unconditionally and not expect something in return. 

Fear as a Consequence of Ego
Why do you think you are afraid? Fear springs forth because you are afraid to lose. You are afraid of being inferior. 

Suffering as a Consequence of Ego
And because you are so attached and you are so afraid, your ego starts to torture you. And since you want to become better than others, your ego drives you to do whatever it takes even if it hurts you. And when you are not able to achieve your goal, you feel frustrated, and your ego pulls you down and even to the point of tearing you apart. You have exerted so much effort yet you failed, you did not win, thus you feel like a mediocre.

Overcoming Ego
In order for us to conquer our ego, we should stop defining ourselves and the things that surround us. We should stop believing in the illusion of duality: the idea of good and evil, better and worse, and the like. We have to look at things as it is. When you see a blind man, you accept him as he is and not label him as inferior than those who can see. When you see a flower, you appreciate its beauty but we should avoid comparing it with other flowers, because once we start to compare, we start to differentiate, we begin to identify which is better or not. Even humility itself, it is still ego at work because once we acknowledge that we are humble, we still define ourselves from that of being arrogant. By eliminating the idea of duality, we can start to conquer our ego.

You may ask, if we are not to believe between good and evil [an example of duality], how will then I be guided in the things that I should do? Remember that the concept of good and evil is based on the results of our actions. Society labels good or evil because it believes, and through experience, that the outcome of a certain action is beneficial [good] or detrimental [evil] to the society or individual. Hence, you don’t have to be guided on what is defined as good or evil, but you just need to be aware of the consequences of your actions.

Wayne Dyer, an author, has outlined some steps in overcoming ego’s hold on us. These are:

1. Stop being offended
2. Let go of your need to win
3. Let go of your need to be right
4. Let go of your need to be superior
5. Let go of your need to have more
6. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements
7. Let go of your reputation

I know everything here is easier said but difficult to achieve. Yet, I choose to take this path hoping that in this journey I will be able to conquer my ego. And the first step that I need to do is to learn to let go of all my attachments.