Our attractions are driven by the void that we want to fill.
I have always wondered why I am attracted to people who are ‘malambing’ (affectionate). I wanted to know why even the slightest show of compassion would bring me to tears. At first I thought it was normal for everyone to cry when they witness even the simplest act of compassion. Yet it is not. Not all people cry while watching movies. Perhaps, that is not their void.
Each one of us has a specific void (or voids) that we want to fill. This void even drives our decisions in life. This is the emptiness that we wanted to fill that which when it will be taken care of, it would give us the impression that we are now complete.
A young beautiful girl brought up in the absence of a fatherly love, will be attracted to a guy who seems to project a paternal stature, even if he is not physically attractive. A boy who was born underprivileged of wealth may dedicate his whole life to get rich. A kid who has been traumatized by the death of his mother due to cancer may focus all his energy to cancer research. These are their specific voids that drive them.
We all have different voids to fill. That would explain why sometimes we can’t just understand why the rich is not able to appreciate what they have. For others, it would seem that they are being wasteful. But wealth is not their void, which might be completely different from yours.
However, every time someone (or something) fills that emptiness, it would seem to complete us. But we all know that nothing is permanent and everything is just fleeting. Hence, whatever that is that has filled the void, when it is disappears, that emptiness resurfaces, and the cycle begins again. Most of the time, the process of ‘hollowing’ leads to suffering which will only end when we think the void is filled one more time. We become trapped in the cycle, often frustrated on why it is happening all over again. How would you cut the cycle then?
I am the eldest in the family. My sister was born when I was six. The next one followed after a year. At seven, my parents started to teach me the meaning of hard work and responsibility. We are not well off. We have just enough to survive. At a young age, I learned to ride the tartanilla all alone going to Tabo-an to buy stuff for the family. At eight, without any company, I have taken the jeepney towards Colon and vice versa. I started doing business when I was in first grade. I have been selling candies and chips to my classmates, teachers, and neighbors. I have roamed the streets to sell my handmade lanterns. All these, I have experienced doing at a very young age while still taking part of our household chores, from doing laundry by hand, fetching water from a nearby well, and of course taking care of my younger siblings. I know that that this might not be too difficult compared to some people’s childhood, but in the eyes of a kid, this is still hard work. Am I complaining? Definitely not. In fact, I am very much grateful with my parents for teaching me the ways. At least it has made me responsible now, or just maybe a bit.
In my eagerness to be a responsible brother, and in my willingness to suffer for my family, perhaps I have forgotten about myself and that my subconscious has been longing for that affection too. This is my void. Please bear with me. I am not trying to prove that I am an ideal brother. I too have my own shortcomings as a brother and as a son. I just want to pinpoint the void which I have recognized recently that I have been wanting to fill and been filling ever since. Like I have said, I am trapped in this cycle too.
But then I realized, that there was indeed no void at all. Perhaps, I was too focused of my role, that I have failed to notice that my parents, my sisters, my family, friends, and the Universe have shown me the affection and the love that I have been wanting. Perhaps, I was too blind to see. And that is, I guess, how we can end the cycle, the trap of trying to continuously fill the void which does not exist.
When we recognize the void within, do not run away from it. Face it. Acknowledge it. Understand where is it coming from and you will be able to learn that the your void is just only an illusion. Then the cliché that says ‘You complete me’, will no longer hold true, for you have always been whole.
‘There will be no suffering in letting go if we remember that we are completely whole all along.’
Namaste.
