My Resurrection

It was the year 2006 when everything was like hell. All aspects of my life were on the brink of destruction. I was financially drained, physically stressed, emotionally unstable, and intellectually harassed. The only part that keeps me from losing my sanity was my spiritual bond with the One that resides in me as I reside in its Totality. 

I was engulfed by my own cowardice as I entertain the thought of doing my own seppuku [hara-kiri]. It was the time when I again shed tears since grade school. I wasn’t actually just weeping, I was howling as I lament with grief and despair. I remembered, every time when I arrived home, the jolly façade that I wore for the outside world morphed into a face of agony and anguish. With her motherly instincts, my mom has noticed the torture that I have been facing from within. She has confronted me several times hoping that I will open up to her. “What purpose is being a mother if my son does not allow me to relieve the pain that ails a suffering heart”, as she often reiterates. I honestly find it touching and heart warming but it did not work on me. I kept it for myself for I don’t want anyone to be bothered by my own faults and weaknesses. 

As I lay down to rest, I recalled pulling my pillow right on my face to muffle my voice as I scream to death. The walls in my room bear witness to my torment for they were not spared from my knuckles. As I turned off the lights, I sulk and wail. And this has become a daily routine for a month or two until I decided to move on and let my heart heal. 

And so I thought it was the end. 

The cycle begins anew, as ouroboros again bits its tail in the year that is today. Alone in a foreign land with nobody else to turn to, the creek became my friend as it lures me to jump in and be swallowed by its depth. Tempting as it may seem, The Fates still holds me dear for it has brought me a soul from the land where the sun never sets. An enlightened being sent with a purpose: to liberate those who are trapped within. 

Like a toddler, the soul held my hand, guiding me towards my chosen path, always there to lift me up in each failing moment. As it nurtures my spirit, I am reborn: a phoenix resurrecting from its ashes. With this new life bestowed, the excitement of re-discovering myself fulfills my destiny, a destiny that is not set by time nor decided by a separate consciousness but it is a destiny that is of my own choosing. 

This resurrection has opened a new door that paves towards my victory. No more fears; no more hesitations; only pure bliss. 

I am the one who is.