Trust, Commitment, and Love

Even if how much we ignore the Valentines Day, we can’t deny that people will talk about it. Love! Love! Love! Since this is the love month, I guess it would be appropriate then to talk about love.

Few days ago, I had an excellent conversation with a very good friend of mine about relationships. “How do you keep a [long distance] relationship?”, I asked. I had this kind of relationship two years ago. Indeed, physical contact is important in any relationship hence distance might be a major issue to most people. So how do you keep it then?

Trust. That was the first thing that he said. You have to give your partner your complete trust, which I totally agree. This is not only true for long distance relationships [LDR] but to any relationship for that matter. “Is it alright to flirt with another even if you are currently in a relationship?”, another friend asked. “Definitely a big NO NO for me!”, I answered. Of course, I consider that as cheating especially if you are committed to each other. Told him, even if I am still dating, my focus is already devoted to my potential partner and no one else. For me, when you cheat, you are not cheating your partner but yourself. No matter how you hide the truth from other people, your guilt will always haunt you forever.

They say, you should have a strong will power to resist temptation. However, resistance would only signify that you are entertaining the thought of cheating. If I throw bundles of hundred dollar bills in front of you, and you definitely know that is not even yours, will there any be resistance if you don’t care about the money at all? Resistance only occurs when there is a pull towards something wherein a part of you doesn't want to do it. It is a struggle within. Yet, if in the beginning, your intention is already pure, your heart, mind, and soul are already aligned with each other. Hence, there will be no conflict within and resistance ceases to exist. [Well, deciding to take the money even if it’s not yours because there was no resistance, then it’s another story. LOL. ]

Communication. That was the second point that he raised. The main culprit in any misunderstanding is the lack of communication. Our mind plays a lot of games with us. It has its own dirty tricks and our thoughts torture us a lot even if they were only illusions. Paranoia sets in. However, when you are open and honest to your partner, everything will be clear. There will no longer be misunderstandings. Even if you differ in opinions, accept the individuality. Feel free to always share your thoughts and feelings creatively, and not destructively. Open up. Happiness is best when shared, while pain will surely be lighter when someone helps you along the healing process.

Love. I guess, this is pretty obvious. This should always be present in every relationship. I was once asked, “How is straight love different from gay love?”, “Is straight love better?”. This might already be a cliché, but love indeed transcends gender, race, age, and species. There is no such thing as better love or worst love for love IS LOVE.  Love in its purest form can never be called by any other name, only LOVE.

Happy Valentines Day everyone. Keep Loving! 

Namaste.

Reality On A Relationship

Note: A friend gave me this article. He said he has taken this one from a book. This is not my composition but I think it is worth sharing. :)

Too often when love comes to people, they try to group the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift freely given and freely moves away. When they fall out of love or the person they love feels the spirit of leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was.

They want answers - there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong with them or they try to get their love to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances. They blame each other. They try anything to give meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to treat what love brings you to kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just ddnt choose to rest in other’s person’s heart.

If you find someone in love with you toward whom you feel no love, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love deals with you and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

"If you fall in-love with another who falls in love with you, and the love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess the blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself choose the moment."

 Remember this: Keep it in your heart. You dont choose to love, love chooses you. All you can do really, is to accept is for all its mystery when it comes to your life. Feel the way it feels you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it to you. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

Love has its own time, its own season for coming and going. You cannot bribe it, coerce it, or reason it into staying. If it chooses to leave from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do or anything you can do. Be glad that it came from a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come again.

My Tattoo

I have been contemplating of a good tattoo which will reflect my philosophies in life. At last, I have come up with a design [drawn by my sister] which will hopefully summarize all of my beliefs. Here goes the meaning of each:

Yin Yang [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_yang]

Symbolizes balance and the natural duality of all things: light and dark, male and female, high and low, cold and hot; that which are all parts of a greater whole. Though I believe that the existence of duality is only an illusion, we can never deny the fact that each individual has different perspective on things. No matter how neutral an object or event is, the observer may view it as 'half-empty' or 'half-full'. 

Ouroboros [The Snake] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouroborus]

Originally, the Ouroboros is biting its tail signifying the cycle of things including death and rebirth. Yet, in this symbol, the tail is already free which for me means the end of the cycle so that one is no longer subject to human suffering or further rebirth in samsāra. This means the attainment of Nirvana.

The Japanese Characters [Clockwise from Top]

The four elements of nature: Fire, Air, Earth, And Water. Aside from it's natural properties, I have linked them to my 'Live, Love, Laugh, Let Go' philosophy: Fire is for 'Love', Air is for 'Laugh', Earth is for 'Live', and Water is for 'Let Go'.

The Cross in the Middle

This symbol has two meanings.

1. These are four letter L's which stands for Live, Love, Laugh, and Let Go. 

2. This is also the top view of the pyramid which symbolizes the four sides of human's holistic growth : emotional maturity, intellectual soundness, spiritual unity, and physical health. 

[see also: http://journeysofthelostmonk.blogspot.com/2010/09/pyramid-of-holistic-growth.html

What do you think?

An Encounter with JR

My friends and I were having a karaoke session inside one of the bars near Mango [Cebu City]. It was already 4AM and everyone already had his fair share of alcohol. I needed a breather so I went outside. Vince [not his real name], a friend of mine tagged along.

The streets were full of people. It was a Saturday so everyone was going out. Our area was a bit dark but it was not scary. Neon lights from some of the shops illuminated the alleys. I was leaning on the railings in front of the bar when Vince noticed a tall guy sitting on the railing which he then approached. His name is JR. My friend knew him sometime ago.

JR is a bit tall. Perhaps a six-footer which he probably got from his Belgian father. He is at his early twenties, slender and was sporting a hair much like that of Keanu Reeves during his Bill and Ted days. He was sitting on the railings while leaning on one of the posts. A bull cap on his head matched with a shirt and faded jeans while holding his backpack placed on his lap.

Another friend of mine, Kris [not his real name], followed us out from the bar and Vince left JR and joined us in our conversation.  Vince said that JR has been sitting there waiting for a client. JR needed 500 pesos just to bail out his cell phone which he left as collateral for unpaid rental dues. He was hoping that he can get a client for that night. While Vince was talking, I glanced at JR sometimes but often stared at him which JR can’t take. It was not a condescending stare. I just wanted to look at him clearly since the light was dim. Vince added that JR has not eaten yet for the night. So we decided to bring him along for breakfast. Kris has to leave early and left the three of us instead.

It was 5AM.

We were planning to have our breakfast at Sinangag Express just near the bar which we were into but Vince had to drop by his office near Fuente Osmena. So we walked towards the Fuente circle and Vince left us while he went into his company’s building.

According to JR, he works as a waiter at a gay bar. Unfortunately, the establishment was not doing well thus they had to lay off some staff which included him. There were five waiters, and two were laid off. He is renting out a room together with several bar dancers he worked with. He was the only one who was not able to pay the 500 pesos and the reason why he has to leave his phone to the landlord. He tried to borrow money from his roomies but they didn’t have extra cash, he said.

He needed his phone back because his birthday is coming up. He said that his dad sends him money from time to time and the only point of contact they have is the phone. He ran away from his mother since she physically abuses him. He has brothers and sisters but from different fathers. I presume that he has not finished school and that in order for him to earn a living is to wait tables or, as a last resort indulge in the flesh trade. Yes. You read it right. Flesh trade.

It is very easy for us to judge people especially those who work in this industry. We can easily say that, ‘there are a lot of jobs around and why can’t they just get a decent job?’. Yet we do not know the pain and the struggles that they have gone through which made them decide to sell their flesh. They might have exhausted already all of the options and possibilities, yet they ran out of choices. And for sure, most of them despise their so-called chosen ‘profession’.

It was an eye opener for me.

Vince was done. We went straight to Sinangag express and ordered my usual fried rice and two sunny-side-up eggs. They ordered ‘tapa’ and bacon.

The sun was already rising. As we finish off our meals, I handed JR 200 pesos while saying, “Here goes. This is not much but I hope it helps. It’s up to you now where to find the remaining 300.”

JR was very happy and thankful.

‘Are you going back to the bar?’

‘No. The sun is already up. I wouldn’t find any client anymore.’, JR jokingly said.

We then parted ways.

The next day, I saw him again at the same spot waiting not for tables but for someone else. Perhaps for the remaining 300 pesos.

Namaste.

“You may be able to UNDERSTAND his struggles but will NEVER be able to FEEL how he feels. No matter how you put yourself into his shoe, it will remain HIS shoe. It is only when you become him that you will truly UNDERSTAND, FEEL, and EXPERIENCE his pain.”

End of Search

Do not swim – float.

~Osho

This has been my mantra for quite some time now. It is a simple yet powerful phrase which reminds me to always go with the flow and never be impatient which leads me to exert unnecessary efforts. I have been floating on a lot of things now, especially those that which I don’t have any control of. If I lost an object, I don’t dwell with it, I just let go. If someone accidentally destroys one of my gadgets, I just have to believe that it was meant to be.  If a plan has been changed, I just let go, and allow myself to go with the flow. Yet there is one right now that I am having difficulty floating with, that is living without a partner.

I know that a lot of you would be telling me now not to worry because for sure the right one would come and I just have to wait. But for me, it is easier said than done. I had written a blog, The Art of Floating, which provides a very effective approach on getting what you want. It really works for me, except for one thing, finding the right partner. And why it’s not working for me? It is because I tend to ‘swim’, I actively search for one which should not be the case.

Perhaps this is driven by fear. Fear of being alone? I guess not. I believe that everyone is never alone in this world. We have friends and family. But then I asked myself, why do I need a partner then?

They say we are beings of love and that the need for love lies at the very foundation of our human existence. And I for sure acknowledge that need. We have so much love in us and maybe the reason why I am so impatient in getting a partner is that I am just dying to share that love with someone and feel the love in return. But then again, being impatient will never get me that partner. I have been telling myself several times to stop swimming but I am just too stubborn. but hopefully this time around, I will already learn to float and let go.

If I am going to request again from the Universe, I will no longer ask that I may find him. Instead, let him find me.

Namaste.