Reality On A Relationship

Note: A friend gave me this article. He said he has taken this one from a book. This is not my composition but I think it is worth sharing. :)

Too often when love comes to people, they try to group the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift freely given and freely moves away. When they fall out of love or the person they love feels the spirit of leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was.

They want answers - there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong with them or they try to get their love to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances. They blame each other. They try anything to give meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to treat what love brings you to kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just ddnt choose to rest in other’s person’s heart.

If you find someone in love with you toward whom you feel no love, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love deals with you and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

"If you fall in-love with another who falls in love with you, and the love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess the blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself choose the moment."

 Remember this: Keep it in your heart. You dont choose to love, love chooses you. All you can do really, is to accept is for all its mystery when it comes to your life. Feel the way it feels you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it to you. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

Love has its own time, its own season for coming and going. You cannot bribe it, coerce it, or reason it into staying. If it chooses to leave from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do or anything you can do. Be glad that it came from a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come again.

My Tattoo

I have been contemplating of a good tattoo which will reflect my philosophies in life. At last, I have come up with a design [drawn by my sister] which will hopefully summarize all of my beliefs. Here goes the meaning of each:

Yin Yang [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_yang]

Symbolizes balance and the natural duality of all things: light and dark, male and female, high and low, cold and hot; that which are all parts of a greater whole. Though I believe that the existence of duality is only an illusion, we can never deny the fact that each individual has different perspective on things. No matter how neutral an object or event is, the observer may view it as 'half-empty' or 'half-full'. 

Ouroboros [The Snake] [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouroborus]

Originally, the Ouroboros is biting its tail signifying the cycle of things including death and rebirth. Yet, in this symbol, the tail is already free which for me means the end of the cycle so that one is no longer subject to human suffering or further rebirth in samsāra. This means the attainment of Nirvana.

The Japanese Characters [Clockwise from Top]

The four elements of nature: Fire, Air, Earth, And Water. Aside from it's natural properties, I have linked them to my 'Live, Love, Laugh, Let Go' philosophy: Fire is for 'Love', Air is for 'Laugh', Earth is for 'Live', and Water is for 'Let Go'.

The Cross in the Middle

This symbol has two meanings.

1. These are four letter L's which stands for Live, Love, Laugh, and Let Go. 

2. This is also the top view of the pyramid which symbolizes the four sides of human's holistic growth : emotional maturity, intellectual soundness, spiritual unity, and physical health. 

[see also: http://journeysofthelostmonk.blogspot.com/2010/09/pyramid-of-holistic-growth.html

What do you think?

An Encounter with JR

My friends and I were having a karaoke session inside one of the bars near Mango [Cebu City]. It was already 4AM and everyone already had his fair share of alcohol. I needed a breather so I went outside. Vince [not his real name], a friend of mine tagged along.

The streets were full of people. It was a Saturday so everyone was going out. Our area was a bit dark but it was not scary. Neon lights from some of the shops illuminated the alleys. I was leaning on the railings in front of the bar when Vince noticed a tall guy sitting on the railing which he then approached. His name is JR. My friend knew him sometime ago.

JR is a bit tall. Perhaps a six-footer which he probably got from his Belgian father. He is at his early twenties, slender and was sporting a hair much like that of Keanu Reeves during his Bill and Ted days. He was sitting on the railings while leaning on one of the posts. A bull cap on his head matched with a shirt and faded jeans while holding his backpack placed on his lap.

Another friend of mine, Kris [not his real name], followed us out from the bar and Vince left JR and joined us in our conversation.  Vince said that JR has been sitting there waiting for a client. JR needed 500 pesos just to bail out his cell phone which he left as collateral for unpaid rental dues. He was hoping that he can get a client for that night. While Vince was talking, I glanced at JR sometimes but often stared at him which JR can’t take. It was not a condescending stare. I just wanted to look at him clearly since the light was dim. Vince added that JR has not eaten yet for the night. So we decided to bring him along for breakfast. Kris has to leave early and left the three of us instead.

It was 5AM.

We were planning to have our breakfast at Sinangag Express just near the bar which we were into but Vince had to drop by his office near Fuente Osmena. So we walked towards the Fuente circle and Vince left us while he went into his company’s building.

According to JR, he works as a waiter at a gay bar. Unfortunately, the establishment was not doing well thus they had to lay off some staff which included him. There were five waiters, and two were laid off. He is renting out a room together with several bar dancers he worked with. He was the only one who was not able to pay the 500 pesos and the reason why he has to leave his phone to the landlord. He tried to borrow money from his roomies but they didn’t have extra cash, he said.

He needed his phone back because his birthday is coming up. He said that his dad sends him money from time to time and the only point of contact they have is the phone. He ran away from his mother since she physically abuses him. He has brothers and sisters but from different fathers. I presume that he has not finished school and that in order for him to earn a living is to wait tables or, as a last resort indulge in the flesh trade. Yes. You read it right. Flesh trade.

It is very easy for us to judge people especially those who work in this industry. We can easily say that, ‘there are a lot of jobs around and why can’t they just get a decent job?’. Yet we do not know the pain and the struggles that they have gone through which made them decide to sell their flesh. They might have exhausted already all of the options and possibilities, yet they ran out of choices. And for sure, most of them despise their so-called chosen ‘profession’.

It was an eye opener for me.

Vince was done. We went straight to Sinangag express and ordered my usual fried rice and two sunny-side-up eggs. They ordered ‘tapa’ and bacon.

The sun was already rising. As we finish off our meals, I handed JR 200 pesos while saying, “Here goes. This is not much but I hope it helps. It’s up to you now where to find the remaining 300.”

JR was very happy and thankful.

‘Are you going back to the bar?’

‘No. The sun is already up. I wouldn’t find any client anymore.’, JR jokingly said.

We then parted ways.

The next day, I saw him again at the same spot waiting not for tables but for someone else. Perhaps for the remaining 300 pesos.

Namaste.

“You may be able to UNDERSTAND his struggles but will NEVER be able to FEEL how he feels. No matter how you put yourself into his shoe, it will remain HIS shoe. It is only when you become him that you will truly UNDERSTAND, FEEL, and EXPERIENCE his pain.”

End of Search

Do not swim – float.

~Osho

This has been my mantra for quite some time now. It is a simple yet powerful phrase which reminds me to always go with the flow and never be impatient which leads me to exert unnecessary efforts. I have been floating on a lot of things now, especially those that which I don’t have any control of. If I lost an object, I don’t dwell with it, I just let go. If someone accidentally destroys one of my gadgets, I just have to believe that it was meant to be.  If a plan has been changed, I just let go, and allow myself to go with the flow. Yet there is one right now that I am having difficulty floating with, that is living without a partner.

I know that a lot of you would be telling me now not to worry because for sure the right one would come and I just have to wait. But for me, it is easier said than done. I had written a blog, The Art of Floating, which provides a very effective approach on getting what you want. It really works for me, except for one thing, finding the right partner. And why it’s not working for me? It is because I tend to ‘swim’, I actively search for one which should not be the case.

Perhaps this is driven by fear. Fear of being alone? I guess not. I believe that everyone is never alone in this world. We have friends and family. But then I asked myself, why do I need a partner then?

They say we are beings of love and that the need for love lies at the very foundation of our human existence. And I for sure acknowledge that need. We have so much love in us and maybe the reason why I am so impatient in getting a partner is that I am just dying to share that love with someone and feel the love in return. But then again, being impatient will never get me that partner. I have been telling myself several times to stop swimming but I am just too stubborn. but hopefully this time around, I will already learn to float and let go.

If I am going to request again from the Universe, I will no longer ask that I may find him. Instead, let him find me.

Namaste.

Crossroads

There are those things that are hard to let go. Sometimes, it makes me wonder why I need to free myself of these ‘attachments’.

Releasing one self from attachments liberates us from our suffering. Yet, there are instances that it seems that our happiness depends on the attachment itself.  

This year, I have been trying my best to detach myself from material possession. Well, I guess I have to make drastic changes in my finances considering my family’s current condition, mom being in and out of the hospital, and me as our family’s major source of income. My impulse in buying stuff is lying low now. Been tempted several times to replace my Samsung E1120 with a Blackberry or Samsung Galaxy S, but was able to take control. To counteract my impulse, I just ask myself, “Why do I have to buy this?”. If my answer is, ‘because it is better!’, or ‘it wouldn’t be bad to have this.’, then I give it up. Material belongings, – that I can let go.

I have been asking myself regarding the extent of letting go to the point of considering monastic life, which means, being detached from the world and surrendering all material possessions. I picture myself in monastery, wearing that Buddhist’s robe, devoted solely to the quest of enlightenment. However, a part of me is holding me back. I feel there is a need for me to be with someone, and share my love to my family and to the community I am living with, rather than restricting myself in the monastery. Yet I still ask, if I have to end my suffering, then I have to let go of my attachments, does this include letting go of having a family? Letting go of the opportunity to love  as a father or a husband? Do I need to be in a solitary life?

Fortunately, I came across an article by His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama [http://www.bodhicitta.net/Compassion%20and%20the%20Individual.htm] which mentions about our need for love. He said,

“Ultimately, the reason why love and compassion bring the greatest happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skilful an individual may be, left alone, he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent one may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must depend on the support of others.

Interdependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Not only higher forms of life but also many of the smallest insects are social beings who, without any religion, law or education, survive by mutual cooperation based on an innate recognition of their interconnectedness. The most subtle level of material phenomena is also governed by interdependence. All phenomena, from the planet we inhabit to the oceans, clouds, forests and flowers that surround us, arise in dependence upon subtle patterns of energy. Without their proper interaction, they dissolve and decay.

It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.”

Then, I realized that there is much difference between needs and attachments, which we often confuse with each other:

A need nourishes our mind, body and soul. An attachment is an illusionary requirement that feeds and illusionary self, the ego. A need nurtures our being, an attachment creates our suffering.

Yes, I agree that we are interdependent and we do need each other but our own families are not the only ones who can help us out. We can join congregations or monasteries to continue our quest for enlightenment. And when time comes that our physical body deteriorates, then we have our brothers and sisters to help us transcend. Yet, the love that we share with our brothers and sisters in this spiritual journey is quite different with that in a family. I have enjoyed my father and mother’s love. I have loved as a son, and as a brother. However, to love as a father or a husband, is perhaps a different kind of love, a different kind of experience, and a different kind of need.

I believe that at this point of my incarnation, my need to share my love with a family and community is more intense than confining myself in the walls of a monastery. The road to enlightenment is not restricted to a single path. And as His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama says,


Our purpose of life is to be happy.

Thus, I choose to believe that purpose. Whatever path you take, go for it! But do keep in mind to always choose to be happy.

Namaste.