Crossroads

There are those things that are hard to let go. Sometimes, it makes me wonder why I need to free myself of these ‘attachments’.

Releasing one self from attachments liberates us from our suffering. Yet, there are instances that it seems that our happiness depends on the attachment itself.  

This year, I have been trying my best to detach myself from material possession. Well, I guess I have to make drastic changes in my finances considering my family’s current condition, mom being in and out of the hospital, and me as our family’s major source of income. My impulse in buying stuff is lying low now. Been tempted several times to replace my Samsung E1120 with a Blackberry or Samsung Galaxy S, but was able to take control. To counteract my impulse, I just ask myself, “Why do I have to buy this?”. If my answer is, ‘because it is better!’, or ‘it wouldn’t be bad to have this.’, then I give it up. Material belongings, – that I can let go.

I have been asking myself regarding the extent of letting go to the point of considering monastic life, which means, being detached from the world and surrendering all material possessions. I picture myself in monastery, wearing that Buddhist’s robe, devoted solely to the quest of enlightenment. However, a part of me is holding me back. I feel there is a need for me to be with someone, and share my love to my family and to the community I am living with, rather than restricting myself in the monastery. Yet I still ask, if I have to end my suffering, then I have to let go of my attachments, does this include letting go of having a family? Letting go of the opportunity to love  as a father or a husband? Do I need to be in a solitary life?

Fortunately, I came across an article by His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama [http://www.bodhicitta.net/Compassion%20and%20the%20Individual.htm] which mentions about our need for love. He said,

“Ultimately, the reason why love and compassion bring the greatest happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. However capable and skilful an individual may be, left alone, he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent one may feel during the most prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must depend on the support of others.

Interdependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Not only higher forms of life but also many of the smallest insects are social beings who, without any religion, law or education, survive by mutual cooperation based on an innate recognition of their interconnectedness. The most subtle level of material phenomena is also governed by interdependence. All phenomena, from the planet we inhabit to the oceans, clouds, forests and flowers that surround us, arise in dependence upon subtle patterns of energy. Without their proper interaction, they dissolve and decay.

It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help of others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore we need a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.”

Then, I realized that there is much difference between needs and attachments, which we often confuse with each other:

A need nourishes our mind, body and soul. An attachment is an illusionary requirement that feeds and illusionary self, the ego. A need nurtures our being, an attachment creates our suffering.

Yes, I agree that we are interdependent and we do need each other but our own families are not the only ones who can help us out. We can join congregations or monasteries to continue our quest for enlightenment. And when time comes that our physical body deteriorates, then we have our brothers and sisters to help us transcend. Yet, the love that we share with our brothers and sisters in this spiritual journey is quite different with that in a family. I have enjoyed my father and mother’s love. I have loved as a son, and as a brother. However, to love as a father or a husband, is perhaps a different kind of love, a different kind of experience, and a different kind of need.

I believe that at this point of my incarnation, my need to share my love with a family and community is more intense than confining myself in the walls of a monastery. The road to enlightenment is not restricted to a single path. And as His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama says,


Our purpose of life is to be happy.

Thus, I choose to believe that purpose. Whatever path you take, go for it! But do keep in mind to always choose to be happy.

Namaste.