Is it half-empty?

There are so many things that can happen in our isolation here in Iran. Perhaps, because there is not much things you can do here, you become more introspective and mindful of your surroundings.

I have been visiting Iran for several times this year for a project. The site is far from the main city. It is a very small town with huge petrochemical complexes. They do have a small bazaar with some parks yet I still feel unsafe roaming around alone. The local town folks don’t speak English making it more difficult to interact. Besides, the place doesn’t seem to be tourist-friendly. Though the people are warm and nice, because of the current political situation, the ‘air’ makes you feel in danger. Thus, I would always rather stay in the hotel after work.

My usual hotel routine after our shift is go for a cardio exercise in my room then proceed to a small, yet rather ‘sufficient’ gym. The hotel has this multi-function workout unit wherein you  can use it to pump up your chest, legs, biceps, triceps, shoulder, etc. I have been using it several times now though it is not as efficient as the ones you find in high-end fitness centers, but for me, it is far better than nothing.

This time around, we have been working with an Egyptian guy from Yokogawa who is busy starting up the program he has created for our pilot plant system. My colleagues have been in the hotel/area for quite a while now but for this Egyptian guy, this is his first time. He says, that he has been assigned for work in several places already like Singapore, Malaysia, Germany, and the Netherlands. So, I guess, he has been familiar to isolated sites considering the type of projects we are involved in. And considering he is from Egypt, a not-so-well off country compared to the ones in Europe and the like, we presume that he has been used to such meagre lifestyle. That is what I thought.

On the first day of the trip, he didn’t say that much. Perhaps, he is still observing the surroundings and the people. He was just probably hoping that everything is far better than what he sees. Maybe he just needed a rest from the gruelling trip that we had.

It all began on the second day when he started complaining about his internet. He noticed that facebook and youtube have been blocked. Well, he has to get used to it since internet access in Iran is very limited. His WiFi signal is very slow so he opted to transfer to another room where the access point is nearer. Yet he says that it didn’t do that much. And then he complained that the hot shower is not working, the food isn’t that delicious, the water tastes bad and so on. Funny thing is, every time he complains, another problem comes along. At least for him.

Every one in our team knew that me and my colleague have been using the gym. And the Egyptian guy was happy as well that at least he has another outlet to keep him busy in the hotel aside from the internet. He says, he also works out, perhaps that explains why he was so eager to use the facility. Yesterday, when we arrived at the hotel he was telling everyone that he will be going to work out immediately. Another colleague of ours, a Dutch, also wanted to flex some muscles so he said he might be going as well. We saw each other in the gym except for the Egyptian guy. We were wondering why he didn’t show up when he was the one who was excited about the gym since day one.

During dinner, we asked him if he has been to the gym. He said he was but only for five minutes. He said the multi-function exercise machine was so crappy that he can’t use it. He added that the wires were not in the proper places and that the unit was not functioning well. He left immediately after that. Interesting thing though, we were using that machine after he left and everything worked fine! Then it made me realize one thing,

Perspective is always relative. It depends on who is the observer. A pessimist sees the glass half-empty, the optimist sees it half-full.

The glass is simply just sitting there. It’s not doing anything. Yet, in the observer’s eyes, it draws an emotion, either a feeling of satisfaction or disappointment.  The same thing with the workout machine, an individual may see it as a blessing, and another may be just simply frustrated by it. Everything indeed is just a simple mindset. It is up to us whether to take things positively or the other way around. However, keep in mind that whatever affects you negatively, torments you. And whatever delights you, cheers you. Thus, there is no need for you to complain. Always choose to be happy. Namaste.

Earth Bound Spirits

I was watching one of the episodes of Ghost Whisperer and it made me ask about earth-bound spirits ~ those who haven’t crossed over yet, ‘Why are they not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel? Why do they have to stay and choose not to transcend?’

The questions made me realize one thing though, perhaps, the answer.

“We have become so attached to life, that we prefer to stay rather than move on.”

It is exactly the same thing with what we are trying to do while we are still in this land of the living. We torment ourselves for something that we don’t even have any control of.  Some people who have experienced a loss, whether it is a life, an object, or a relationship, becomes so depressed to the point of destroying his/her own life and no longer enjoying what the world has to offer.  Though we can not ignore that pain does exist and it is a reality, it does not mean that we have to linger on it forever. An American Buddhist, Bhikkhu Bodhi, said,

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." Pain and suffering are not the same thing. Pain is a physical sensation; suffering is how we choose to experience it.

 The Buddha compares being afflicted with bodily pain to being struck by an arrow. Adding mental pain (aversion, displeasure, depression, or self-pity) to physical pain is like being hit by a second arrow. The wise person stops with the first arrow.

 Suffering comes from our attachments, as the Buddhist’s Four Noble Truths emphasizes,

   1. Suffering exists

   2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires

   3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases

   4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path

Perhaps, an earth-bound spirit’s ‘unfinished business’ is just essentially a simple case of attachments. Depending on how attached you are to earthly pleasures or even to life, will determine your state in the after life.

Letting Go of Attachments

Remember, that the only thing permanent in this world is impermanence.

There is no object or body that goes beyond mortality. Sooner or later, the energy that binds them will dissipate and will be converted into another form. Even the feelings that you have, it has it’s own finite duration. However, today we are so preoccupied that we have already ignored this reality, that nothing can exist forever except for the energy that links us all.   Sooner or later, your car will break down and you just have to let go and perhaps, replace it with a new one. Someday, your loved one has to go and you can’t do anything about it.

Since we have ‘forgotten’ that everything has it’s own ‘life-span’ we tend to worry more and become afraid of losing what we have. You begin to be attached with these, and not willing to let go. Instead of enjoying what you have at this moment, you start to be anxious. Fear sets in and you begin to build walls to protect the things you think you value most. Your main focus becomes safeguarding what you have rather than enjoying them instead. Yet, no matter how high you build your ‘fence’, the ‘the angel of death’ will always find its way to take the ‘life’ of the one which you treasure most. And when that time comes, the loss torments you. Anguish, pain, grief, despair, you name it, they will no longer be strangers to you.

How then would we be able to fully enjoy something, if we are so afraid of losing it?

Letting go of all the attachments allows us  to experience what true happiness really is. There is no absolute happiness when you still worry. Yet, when you have already accepted the fact that someday what you have right now will have to go, and that there is no point of worrying of losing them, then you have now detached yourself from that object or entity. And from that moment of acceptance, you begin to completely enjoy all the things that you have. Thus, never fret about tomorrow for the past and the future are just merely illusions. What you have is only NOW. Immerse yourself in it. Relish it. And when the time comes when the one you have cherished most has to transcend, sorrow will no longer be in you for you have already enjoyed his/her/its presence. You have been prepared for that day to come since you have already accepted that nothing is permanent in this world. You have already learned to let go.

Namaste. 

I Love You Ma!

The time has come to put into the test the words that I have been preaching for, the mantra that I have been practicing lately, about letting go.

When I speak about these things, my friends would always refer to my romantic relationships especially when I post 'letting go' phrases on my FB shout outs. Little do they know that I am just trying to prepare myself for, perhaps, the most painful detachment that I would be experiencing: letting go of the person whom you loved most.

Our mom has always been the best mother for us. And I know your mom too is one of the greatest.

Ever since we were kids, mom will always find ways to spend quality time with us. Unlike other families, we are not well-off. Mom was a drugstore clerk and father was an occasional construction worker. We previously lived in an old abandoned hospital. That was all they can afford. We stayed in the nursery room and literally slept on hospital beds. Often times she works on graveyard shifts and came home tired. Yet during her rest days, we dine outside minus our father. He rarely goes out with us unless forced to. Mom was the bread winner and the head of the family even if she tries to convince us that our father is, which unfortunately, failed to convince me.

Dine out? Yes we dine out during her rest days but not in posh restaurants. We usually go to a barbecue corner somewhere in B. Aranas St. Mom would then ask us to choose which barbecue we like to have but only limited to three sticks due to budget constraints. I always opted for that pork barbecue with that sweet and tasty fat at the end. My sisters go for the hotdogs. And of course, we can have unlimited puso[hanging rice] and an 8 oz bottle of coke. We just sit in a corner and enjoy the meal and the company. We always look forward to it every week.

She has always been very supportive but never did she try to spoil us. Yes, we sometimes get the toys we want but not all. She enrols us to group activities that we want like swimming, basketball, and karate classes. No. These were not expensive training sessions because usually we had it from summer classes sponsored by Milo and the like. And for some of you who might be asking right now if I joined the basketball classes, the answer is no. :P

Mom has always been permissive to us. I learned it from her that the more you restrict a child, the more rebellious s/he can get. This I believe is very effective, since she has raised us that way and made us who we are right now. She allows us to go to group outings, sleep overs, as long as she knows who we are with and where we are heading.

She is into macro management, which I think I also got it from her. When she asks me to do an errand, she doesn’t care how I do it. All she wants is I finish the task completely. She has also taught me about initiative. When a path approaches a dead end, stopping is not an option. She always reiterates that there are always alternative routes.

It is also because of her that I am this open minded, at least that is how I see myself now. We can talk for hours literally about anything, from science to spirituality. For me, she is the best teacher.

For many years she has the burden of raising us financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. With the meagre salary that she receives, I was able to graduate from college including my two sisters.

Now, even if she is only 53 years old, the burden is taking its toll on her. Her health has been deteriorating since few years back. She can barely walk; yet, she keeps on going, still teaching in the university for it helps keep her mind busy and physically active. However, lately, she has been going in and out from the hospital. She has been diagnosed with diabetes. It runs in their family though. My grandfather had his leg cut off due this. Hypertension, muscle atrophy, edema, enlarged heart, are just a few of the illnesses she is currently having. And then our youngest sister just informed me few days back that mom had undergone dialysis which will continue from now on.

Her kidney is failing now. There are only two options that we can take to let her live longer: a) continue the dialysis which has to take at least three times a week and costs 3K PhP per session [200K PhP can support the dialysis for roughly 5 months only]; b) have a kidney transplant. I am still not convinced about the latter alternative. My mom doesn’t even want this option. A kidney transplant would require a lot of compatibility tests and it is not even an assurance that a new kidney will be taken effectively by her body. And even if she will have a new healthy kidney, that is not only her illness. Remember that her kidney failure is only one of the health complications she is having. The first option is indeed an alternative. Yes, the amount involve is huge, though difficult, we can surely find ways to get the cash needed. But the question is, for how long can we sustain? That I don’t know.

I have been trying to prepare myself for the coming days. This might sound harsh to others, yet I know that time will come, she will have to transcend and I have to accept the fact the there is nothing permanent in this world. The Buddhist parable of the mustard seed [click here to read it] is helping me realize that,

"How selfish am I in my grief! Death is common to all; yet in this valley of desolation there is a path that leads him to immortality who has surrendered all selfishness."

Yet, I am still trying to convince myself.

This month I have decided to come home to see once again my ailing mom; to sleep on her side; to feel her warmth; to hold her hands; to let her know how we love her so much and that she has raised such wonderful kids.

I love you Mama Amy!

The Pyramid of Holistic Growth

The [square] pyramids of Egypt have witnessed wars over the centuries, and have withstood the wrath of the earth for ages. It has become a symbol of stability and strength. And for an individual to be able to obtain holistic growth, it has to compare itself to these pyramids. He must be able to build oneself on its four sides:

Physical Health. In order for you to take this journey, you must be in good shape. It can’t be denied that our body will always be subjected to physical pain no matter how we try avoiding it. However, we can minimize it by keeping oneself fit. We don’t know how long it would take us to reach that ‘enlightenment’ but it is best that our body is able to keep up.

Emotional Maturity. Age does not signify this. There are those even at their prime years that they are still not able to handle their emotions well. They burst out in anger causing pain not only to oneself but to others too. This growth requires experience and introspection. One must be able to understand how emotions are developed and how it can be controlled.

Intellectual Soundness. You don’t have to be a genius to develop this side of the pyramid. Just be open-minded and allow yourself to learn from your experience and from others. 

Spiritual Unity. You have to acknowledge the fact that there is a higher force greater than you. The force that which binds everything that is seen and unseen. You have to develop that ‘relationship’, that ‘bond’ between you and the Universal Consciousness.

Stone by stone, you should build your own pyramid keeping the balance on all sides until you reach the peak of your full potential: the realization of who you truly are.